What I've read lately.

Eggeyes, Defender of the Faith! (good version)

2006-12-27T13:45:00.000-06:00

PREFACE NOTE: I started writing this story late one night in November or December 1972. Kathie
was at O.C.S. and I was living alone in base housing on Guam. I had gone to a somewhat foregetable
movie (i.e. I don't recall anything about it) and then sat down to write this story. At the time, Kathie
and I were involved with several other Marine, Navy and Air Force personnel in playing Dungeons
and Dragons. The main character of this story was "ginned up" by rolling the dice and then I played
him as if he were a character. The spell throwing and battle sceens were based on the D & D rules
and were played out as if I were a Dungeon Master. I had fun with this story even though I had to
force myself to finish it; I finished at about 2 15 am (I had started at 10 PM or so). I knew that if I
had put the story down I would never finish it! I later wrote a number of stories and poems and
finished them; of course, I then had the prod of finishing them for a class. Unfortunately, this being
28 May 1992, I am no longer under such a "prod" and haven't looked at my "Ronald Regan story"
in so long that it must have been last calandar year (1993) that I made the pretense of working on it...

Update in 2006: I'm going to add a section to my "Ronald Regan story" called "The Lawyer's Story" and pay to have it printed locally.

Eggeyes

______Eggeyes, also known as "Deathblood, Defender of the Faith", carefully put on his black plate
armour and metal helm. He had to meet with his master, the Grandfather of Assassins. That creature
was known to a few of his faithful as "Gramps" (he happened in fact to be Eggeye's
great-grandfather). He was known to his enemies by far more sinister names.

______Eggeyes looked into his mirror and beheld his bulging eyes set in a face scarred like an old
piece of firepit rock. There was little of kindness in his face and much controlled intelligence. He
sniffed himself with his better than human sence of smell and decided he could pass among the true
humans and half-elves that made u the town's population.

______He put on the girdle with it's bastard sword and poisioned dagger. The crossbow was slung
across his back. He carried no backpack with him. His vial of unholy water was in a pouch and the
poisioned quarrels were in his quiver. There were five of them.

______Eggeyes, looking like a prosperous fighter, carefully left is rooms at the Bloody Miscarriage.
He set the alarms and traps well. He heard his watchbeast awaken and Egeyes hoped that some poor
damned thief would enter. The thief would leave his soul to the watchbeast and Eggeyes would have
a little extra deserved profit.

______The street was safe. A guard approached Eggeyes and bid hima good evening. Eggeyes
answered politely and waited until the man had turned to go before stabbing the guard with a
poisioned blade. The guard had time to turn toward Eggeyes and almost got his blade out.

______"You BASTARD...". The victum fell to his knees.

______"I'm truly upset!" Eggeyes exclaimed in amazement. "The alchemist who sold me the poison
told me it was instant acting and very painful. The Better Business Bureau will hear of this.
Actually", he continued in a musing toneof voice, "I'll just have a word with the alchemist about
this."

______The prospect delighted Eggeyes!

______"You're an assassin! You must be a..."

______At this Eggeyes ripped the man's throat out with one hand. There was one thing no one would
say to hime and that no one would know. Only the Grandfather of assassins knew his secret nad
Gramps wouldn't give the Grandduke or anyone outside of the Assassin Guild the time of year let
alone Eggeye's secret.

______The body yielded two flasks of oil and a flask of holy water. There was the armour to be
removed and sold. The man's short sword and throwing axe were simply added to Eggeye's girdle.
There was five goldpieces which Eggeyes cheerfully added to his purse. He didin't fear a deadman's
curse upon the decreased guard's property. Eggeye's diety had guarenteed him protection from such
curses.

______The night was cool and the smell of dung in the open sewers began to predominate over the
smell of charcoal fires as the fires were douced after the evening meal. Eggeyes noticed it not at all.

______The walk to the Assassin's Guildhouse was uneventful. Egeyes gave the dead guard's
chainmail to the Housemouse. The Housemouse was a drab, retired, thief who gave good prices for
stolen goods. Then, Eggeyes went to the Guild's alchemist.

______Eggeyes put the vial of "bad" poison on a table.

______"It doesn't work fast! A target almost attacked me before I ripped his throat out. And he didn't
seem to be in much pain."

______The wide assortment of hidden and subtle traps and poisons in the room was upsetting
Eggeyes. He held out his hands toward the alchemist in a subconscious attempt to ward off any
attack fromthat worthy. The alchemist feared what spells could be brought into existance from those
hands, however.

______"The poison might have had some old eye of unborn elve in it. Here, try this fresh batch."

______"Thank you, good master, I shall try it!" With that Eggeyes left the alchemist who was
secretly very relieved to see Eggeyes leave. Then, Eggeyes slowly made his way to the Grandfather
of Assassins' quarter.

______"Well, don't stand there boy, say 'hello'".

______"Good evening, sire. I see you've enjoyed another night with 'Their Graces'?".

______"Damned fooliness, if you ask me. I have to go to the Better Business Bureau meeting or
people will get the wrong idea of our guild. Some of those fools, those merchants, wanted to
examine our books with an eye to seeing if we pay our taxes!"

______"Do you wish me to spy out the tax records that we may know who knows how much we
should be paying? I'd like that!"

______Eggeyes meant that he would like interrogating the BB clerks in the dungeon. Somehow,
torturing humans wasn't business but was enjoyment.

______"We have a problem. There are a group of giants who are plundering all caravans leaving this
town. The Guard was about to roast the entire Thieves Guild over slow fires when I was able to
convince the Guard Captainthat no Master Thief would cut off his source of income. Someone else
is plundering the caravans. The Master Thief is the only one licenced to plunder. And that is on a
quota system. We are the only technical advisors allowed to assist the thieves. Someone is using our
techniques in the caravan raids. We must stop this raiding to save our good bad reputations. we have
a reputation of honest 'evil' to uphold and you will protect our reputation!"

______"Who is cutting in our turf?"

______Eggeyes words were a bit slurred as his fangs were beginning to slid down into place. He no
longer looked quite so human; he was beginning to resemble his father and great-grandfather's
brother.

______"The leather merchant is a spy for giants. He must be killed to stop the attacks! Others of the
brotherhood will guide chaotic fighters to find and wipe out the raiders. Go to the Inn of the
Whipping Post and you will find the leather merchant's grudge there. Here, take this:" The
Grandfather of Assassins held out a small vial. "It will make her love you for the night!"

______As Eggeyes, Priest to the Worship- Of- He- Whose- Name- Was- Not- Spoken and Assassin
left, his great-grandfather mused to himself. The "love vial" contained just the opposite and the
GRandfather of Assassins might this night be rid of his most serious future rival.

______The Inn of the Whipping Post was a true dive. Eggeyes had to step smartly to avoid the
rotting corpse of a customer who had sought to leave without paying. He had paid by giving his
living intestines to an entrail reader and his soul to a creature from Middle Hell (a fun place to visit
occasionally Eggeyes thought).

______The main room of the Inn smelt of old shit, strange drugs, sweat, seman and fear. Woven
through that was the smell of the food and drink served there. It was a hideous smell in the
smokeyair that made Eggeyes think we'd gone back to his childhood home again. He ducked his head
beneath the low slung rafters and sought out the barman.

______The barman was an incredibly hairy man who wore a brand identifying him as a werebear.
The human form of the werebear was hugh, stooped over and very old.

______

______"Where, bear, do I find the leather merchang's hag."

______He was ignored.

______"GIve me a tankard of mead." Eggeyes held out a gold piece.

______"The orcbitch in the corner." The barman smilled for he had gotten a gold piece for a glass
of mead that was worth onlya silver piece. Rather, would be if the mead had been bought rather than
stollen from the brewers.

______The orcbitch was incredibly hideous. Eggeyes thought she looked like one of his old
girlfriends or perhaps his sisters and went to meet her.

______"Hi ya, beautiful."

______"Fuck dog breath or I'll rip your balls off!"

______She suddenly sniffed with a light of hope apearing in her eyes.

______"Can it be?", she murmurred in Orciash.

______"Sure is beautiful and watch the threats or I'll rip your tits off and feed them to my dog!"
Eggeyes whispered his endearment to avoid any humans hearing him speaking Orcish.

______The orcbitch gazed in lust at Eggeyes. He had extablished himself as a true lowlife. That is
to say, established himself as the most desirable lust object for a lustful orcbitch, in the room.

______They drank their drinks and Eggeyes made his way to the barman to order two more drinks.
THe barman bitchingly took one gold piece for two tankards and Eggeyes successfully relieved the
barman of a plantium piece the barman had kept in an inner pocket.

______The orcbitch and Eggeyes were in a state of advanced lust when they left. Eggeyes poured
the "love portion" into a drink the sleepy barhog was taking to a barbarian. As they left, the barbarian
fell into hate with the barhog and most of the rest of the patrons. The barman wondered where his
plantium piece went. Suddenly, he went werebear knowing where to bear down to recover his
treasure. The barbarian began breaking bottles over hte heads of customers and the werebear began
attacking anything that moved. A truly drunken mage used a fireball spell and then the fun truly
began...

______The Guard had a busy night and the Palace truth finders used many thumbscrews and hot
nails on the survivors of the brawl to try finding out the cause of the brawl. The Grandduke didn't
take wellt obrawls that ended up firng half a section of his town. But, Eggeyes and his love were
oblivious to the fire behind them and they went to the orcbitch's quarters.

______Eggeyes and his lustful orcbitch made lust in typical orc fashion. If they had been human or
elven, then mere humans could stomack their actions. Violent rending reader(1), I, your narriatior,
am but a retired Grandfather of the Grandfather of Assassins. To tell you of the orc and helforc's
"lovemaking" would be a vomet inducing event!

______On second thought, I will write down the chronicle and have it preserved until the next age
of humans. It is fit to published in a magazine which will be called "Five Houses(2)" or words to that
effect.

______But back to my story...

______

______After leaving his lustmate sleeping, Eggeyes had to make his way through the leather
merchant's houe. He knew the general outline of the house from the orcbitch. Her quarters were in
the basement.

______He would have to go from the orcbitch's quarters to the pantry. From there, he would go up
a set of stairs to the enterance hall. Thence, via a hallway, to the master's study where the leather
merchant purportedly was. There was a dogleg in the hallway.

______As he went up the stairs in the pantry, he noticed a putrid odor and a very strong updraft.
Eggeyes could see no openings from which the updraft could be coming. He stopped moving and
very carefully loostened his poison coated, great bastard sword in it's scabbard. He then
oh-so-carefully cocked his crossbow and lashed down the release mechanism. He fitted it with a poisoned quarrel. He went the rest of the way up the
stairs.

______
(1) This is a takeoff of Dr. Isaac Asimov's custom of referring to his readers as "gentle readers" when
speaking as the author to the readers from within his essays and stories.

(2) "Five Houses" is reference to "Penthouse".

______At the open door, Eggeyes carefully did a recon down the small hallway (almost a
crawlspace) that extended to the left of the door and could see or hear nothing either in that little
hallway or from the room beyond the closed door; Eggeyes had excellent hearing and his vision
extended beyond that of humans. He could smell nothing but the putrid odour from the stairwell. The
assassin part of his soul cursed the sloopy but oh-so-orcish houecleaning. THe cleric part of him
prayed for his life.

______Finally, he entered the parlor. A window at one end was open and the air was hot and clear
near the window. He could see no reason for the breeze in the stairwell and assumed it to be some
sort of magic. If he had known what type, he might have dove out through the window. But, more
likely, he would have pressed on regardless...

______The room had rotting wood along the baseboards and he thought that the wall hangins were
too faded. There was a desk under the window and an armoire(3) near it. A hissing sound could be
heard coming from a large chest against the far wall. Eggeyes went over to the chest and investigated
it. There was a distince hissing coming from the chest. Carefully, Eggeyes looked it over for traps.
He found none.

______Slowly, he raised the unlocked lid just a crack. The hissing was very loud now. He took out
his dagger and slid it betwinx the lid and the box. He felt the blade shudder as something struck
twice at it and then bit it. With a happy, happy, smile, Eggeyes waited until the creature inside quit
moving. Moving back to full arm's length from the chest, he slowly raised the lid. The dagger was
the only thing touching the chest and lifting the lid was tricky work even for a halforc.

______Inside the chest was a dead snake and several gold pieces and platinum pieces. This was a
treasure beyond belief! Inside was the lodge pin of one of the area's tribes of giants. It identified the
bearer as an ally of that tribe and was a safepass. Eggeyes' mind spun with thoughts of what he could
do with such a thing as he carefully picked up the pin with an unpoisoned quarrel. He could tell that
the pin was poisoned and didn't want to die just yet...

(3) An amoire is a closed chest or cabinet.

______From the armoire, he found nothing of value or of threat. He carefully went to the closed door
and removed his helmet. He listened so hard that he thought his heart was a kettle drum and he
thought of cursing it. But, he remembered the disconcerting habit his god had of answering such
curses and refrained. If only his god would answer his prayers so readily...

______He went to the unopened door and gently open it. Then, he remembered to put his helm back
upon his head. But, the pause to redon his helmet was his undoing. Out in the hall were two
Troglodytes and they had seen him!

______With hisses of hate they charged him. Eggeyes quickly slammed the door in their faces. After
bolting the door, he noticed that one of the trogs had managed to hit him with a thrown axe. The
sight of his own blood filled Eggeyes with the lust for revenge.

______He ran silently for the stairway enterance to the parlor. He carefully opened it a crack and the
door rang to the assualt of the trog's stone bvattle axe. The trog backed off to allow Eggeyes out of
the parlor. Eggeyes swung hastily and missed; the trog swung and was equally inept. Then, again
they attacked and both missed. The other trog was roaring with laughter and waited to see how the
comedy would progress.

______Eggeyes set imself nad with total concentration swung his bastard sword. He cut the trog just
below it's rib cage on the right side and the large bastard killer of men and monsters sword sheared
through the trog's bodyand exited through it's left shoulder socket. The body oozed to the floor. As
it fell, the trog released it's most potent weapon. It released a strnch that would make a skunk gage
and pray for deliverance. Eggeys abruptly jackknifed over in a spasm of vomiting. He would never
have believed that a halforc could be so affected; perhps his god had intervened? The stone axe
thrown by the surviving trog passed harmlessly over Eggeye's head nad the trog disappeared down
the hall.

______Having emptied his stomack, Eggeyes' wiped off ihs mouth nad crept up the passage. In a
manner that would have made his mentors come with joy, Eggeyes moved silently thrugh the
shadows and crept up upon his victum. Perhaps it had been grief that had kept the trog from noticing
eggeys; perhaps, Eggeyes was simply very good at his chosen vocation...

______

______The orcbitch smilled as she watch the action in her crystal ball.

______

______The body had a few gold pieces and some silver pieces onit. Eggeyes figured his spoils at
about four gold pieces. He thought of the 3600 gold pieces that he had been promised for this night's
work and decided that he would be asking for a bonus. There had been too much shit going down
for the mood he was in.

______Without manking any further attemtps at concealment, Eggeyes went to the enterance of the
leather merchant's study and set foot inside. He had his slightly magical shield up at the ready.

______The room had a large collection of books and at a lecturn sat a darkly dressed man. THe
leather merchant was dressed in the finest of brown silks. he wore no armour and had only a dagger
on. Ther leather merchant picked up a staff and moving away from the lecturn, leanded upon the
staff.

______"I have been waiting for you to come here." He pointed toward a mirror that showed the
image of the orcbitch. Most of the scratchs had stopped bleeding but scratchs were normal to orcish
love (or lust play to be exact). Eggeyes felt his own scratches and his fourteen inches of warty
lustfulliness began strining against his suit of plate armour. He really didn't pay attention to the walls
of books in theroom or the rich decorations on what parts of the walls that were visible. He
momentarily turned his attention to the useless thoughts of his lust object and the leather merchant
struck in that instant.

______From his hands spouted twin jets of fire that seared Eggeyes and might have blinded himbut
for theinstinctive raising of his shield. On one side, the flames ignited a stack of books. With a
scream of pain, the merchant turned his attention to putting out the fire with a water dispatching
spell. He would pay dearly for the use of the water elemental that produced the water but the books
were worth saving.

______Eggeyes didn't react but merely tried to recover and watched the perchant put out the fire.
Thus, his opportunity was lost.

______The leather merchant turned and struck Eggeyes with his staff and Eggeyes staggered
backwards.

______Recovering, Eggeyes tried to ignore the smel of burnt paper and the smoke in his eyes. He
brought up his crossbow and whiped off the restraining lash. His shot was instantly lethal. The
leather merchant fell in a heap. Breathing hard, Eggeyes cautiously searched the body of the leather
merchant. he removed a gem worth at least a thousand gold pieces.

______The Guard arrived to check out the fire. Then, to Eggeyes's surprise, the orcbitch came
running upstairs. She told the guard officer that her master had gotten drunk and set the room on fire.
She told them of how she would give the leather merchant pure hell the next morning.

______The sight of a crossbow quarrel protruding from the leather merchant made the Guard doubt
that the leather merchant would be awakening again ever. But, he had his orders and the Guard
COmmander had been most specific about this house: Ignore all things that occurr at that house
tonight!"

______Eggeyes went to the orcbitch's room for the remainder of the night which made for a truly
memorable night of sin, debachery and degradation. He left early the next morning to report in.
There was a spring to his step and at least 3000 gold pieces worth of loot. He had spent the morning
between dawn and leaving in stealing this wealth.

______When he returned to the Guildhall, the Housemouse paid Eggeyes 3100 gold pieces for his
loot. Then, Eggeyes went to see the Grandfather of Assassins.

______His adventure thenight before had started with meeting with "Gramps" shortly after nightfall.
THe final encounter with the Guard had occurred three hours before the sun arose. It was near noon
now and Eggeyes wanted his lunch and then some sleep.

______"Your report, assassin!" It was the Grandfather of Assassin and not "Gramps" who gave the
order to speak.

______Eggeyes reported all events fromthe time he had taken the job.

______The Grandfather of Assassins intrupted once to say: "You didn't have to use the lust potion?"

______"No, your unholiness. The orcbitch practically raped me so I just put the potion in a
barbarian's drink. I trust it gave him much happiness."

______Gramps smilled. "It gave a lot of people much happiness." Gramps was more than a little
sadistic.

______"Here is your just reward ("Gramps" put 4000 gold pieces in Eggeye's grasping hands.). Take
a few days off. Then, I am going to have you take a combat team and hunt for the headquarters of
the giants."

______Gramps carefully didn't tell Eggeyes that the leather merchant's body had been removed from
town in a wagon that morning by the true spy. Eggeyes was not told that the true spy was a high level
cleric, a High Priestess capable of performing Resurrection, Regenertaion and Restoration. He didn't
know that the true spy would never heart Eggeys for she had found in him the ideal lust partner.

______As the orcbitch and her dead servant, the leather merchant, went to the deep woods location
of the orcbitch's god's temple, she lusted for Eggeyes. She decided that the leather merchant would
have to be better trained. But, first, she would fulfill the promise she had made to the Guard
Officer...

______The grate plans the orcbitch had for Eggeys would have horrified a man and might have
upset Eggeyes had he known.

______More likely they would have delighted him.

THE SAGA OF EGGEYES, DEATHBLOOD DEFENDER OF THE FAITH, TO BE CONTINUED...

Unfortunately, this was written in 1982 and it is now 24 years later (2006). About all I remember was I was planning a story with two characters: Eggeyes and a "Paladin". The two would have to work together, in spite of Eggeys's violence and the Paladin's law enforcing violence...

POSTSCRIPT:

______I wrote this story in January 1983, shortly after Kathie had gone to Navy O.C.S. I started
writing a sequal but didn't get too far as I was transferred in March 1983 and never got around to
finishing the story. The sequal would have featured a half elve Paladin (a holy night sworn to defeat
all evil) forced to work alongside Eggeyes (a creature of quite the opposite orientation). After saving
each other live's a couple of times and they came to an understanding and parted amiable enemies
as opposed to blood enemies. Unfortunately, the rough draft of that story seems to have disappeared
during the past three or four moves.

______There was also another D&D story I started about the same time which was the same story
but told from the viewpoints of four different characters. I wrote it mainly for the fun of writing the
common sceens as told from the four different viewpoints (i.e. a raid on a wagon train or a night in
a tavern/inn). This story is lost (alas).

"Phegm Phantasy"

2006-12-26T20:33:00.000-06:00

PREFACE NOTE: This is a delightful little piece that I wrote in the winter of 1990; I figured that it might bother Kathie and I was right. So, without further ado, I present for your reading pleasure:

The Artist!

______For three days, Hawk had been working on his greatest masterpiece; it was an experimental work called his "P Phantasy".
______He had thought of the concept only days before and was eager to complete it. His wife was wondering what it was. She had never seen this work for he kept the back of easel facing toward the bedroom door.
______"You can tell me, dear," she said at dinner, "I'm your wife."
______She avoided looked at Hawk for Hawk had a truly classic cold; he was grateful that the cold had gone into both his chest and his larynx and that he couldn't talk. So he whispered something knowing that his wife couldn't hear him.
______"Oh, you poor dear! Here! Drink this cough medicine."
______"Can't dear, I just took a Sue-de-fed."
______Later that evening, feeling worst then ever, Hawk returned to the spare bedroom he worked in. His work was coming along nicely. Hawk liked to work with whatever texture or colour of paint he had available; he was not one to plan ahead and preselect his material for Hawk liked to be spontaneous. Hawk just grabbed what he could and figured where it would go in the completed "P Phantasy". It would take a few more days.
______The next day, Hawk's wife had guests over who sat around talking about the latest TV craze: an overweight, overly made up woman, who cried on the TV and interviewed failed ministers. It was quite amusing and also up to Her-aldo's best (that being how Hawk pronounced the one time newsman's name). Hawk was busily filling his hankies with stringy mucus that no one wanted to look at yet which everyone seemed to see out of the corners of their eyes no matter where they looked. Hawk's wife and their guests were quite relieved when "the poor dear" left the room to get some rest. However, Hawk had always been blessed with excellent hearing. When he heard the way they were discussing him, Hawk knew that they would view his greatest work. He thought that they might not appreciate the subject matter. Hawk didn't like people who talked about him behind his back.
______The work was coming along nicely and his cold was beginning to abate. He knew that with his return to health would come his return to the office ... his return to processing quality control statistics on the colectomy bags that his medical supply company produced.
______The final day had come and he was almost done. His greatest masterpiece was a delicate work in red, greens, tan and clear overlays. The work was of course a Phantasy. His images were, to say the least, disturbing. Later, some would say that they were disturbed. Hawk went to his garage to get some Mountain Dew. Unfortunately, being an abstracted artist concerned with the completion of his somewhat abstract work, Hawk forgot to put on his jacket. It was raining outside and there were four inches of snow still on the ground; he returned to the house soaking wet and with his shoes caked with snow.
______Hawk was crushed by his carelessness and told his wife that the work might have to wait; his cold renewed it's assault on his battered system and Hawk sat bundled in his easy chair quite miserable. His wife made him a hot lemonade that was mostly rum; Hawk never knew when his wife undressed him and put him to bed.
______The next day dawned wonderfully. Hawk's cold was feeling better and he was honking like a bull goose trying to service more than his mate. He ran into his work room and began to feverishly complete his work.
______His wife opened the door and gagged slightly as she saw Hawk snort a strand of mucus onto his palm and then delicately attach it to the canvas. She walked around to look at the abstract images that looked like something taken from an old fantasy story. Then, she realized exactly what media Hawk had been working in and felt very ill when she saw the full title of the piece:

"Phlegm Phantasy" by Hawk Lunger

POSTSCRIPT: Sure, it's a little bit disgusting but "what the hell"? Some stories just have to be
written!

Novel status...

2006-12-16T22:58:00.000-06:00

My fist attempt at a novel, written from 1990 to 1992 is about half done. I'll have to actually finish it. I'm going to put in a story called "The Lawyer's Story". This will be an "Anderson Story".

My NaNoWri story from 2005 needs some editihng. Mainly, I changed the names of at least one character between chapter 1 and their next appearance (in chapter 4). ALso, I've got to put in a few scenes and then I can pay to have the story published. It will be a great deal cheaper to have the story printed commeercially.

My 2006 NaNoWri story is about 5 scenes from being finsihed. THen, I'll have to do a lot of spell checking and and reformat the lines. Once I got all this done, I think I'll "publish" on this blog.

I haven't come up with a story for 2007 but suspect I will in late October and will then wish I'd plan everything a\head of time.

Winner of the 2006 NaNoWriMo

2006-12-02T17:28:00.000-06:00

Official NaNoWriMo 2006 Participant